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It's been a minute since I've written in this but I'm feeling the need to now. My best friend and I have always been close. At times we could almost read each others mind, and finish each others sentences. But over the last month or so, I feel like we're drifting apart. She's always soo moody and when i try to talk to her, to help her, she pulls away even more. She's never done that before. I'm always the one she comes to for help. I mean I know finals and stuff are rough for her, but you know I had finals too, I was stressed too, but I didn't take it out on her, I tried to be as good as possible in not putting my feelings on her.
But lately when we talk she snaps at me. And the other day I just couldn't take it anymore and when she got sarcastic with me I snapped at her. She said she was just kidding, but I don't know, it just really pissed me off.
And we haven't spoken in days. We usually talk to each other several times a day, if not everyother day. I don't even remember the last time we spoke on the phone. And it's almost always me calling her. The only time she calls me is if she's returning my message, or is upset or something. She never calls anymore just to say hi, or to see how I'm doing or for no reason at all. I'm the only one who does that anymore.
This feels alot like the last time I lost a best friend.. It hurt a hell of a lot that time, and I really don't want to go through it again. I can't do that again. I'm not sure what to do anymore. She's like the sister I never had but always wanted. I don't want to stop being friends with her, but at the same time, I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one working on our friendship. It seems sometimes like she's pissed off at me, but considering we haven't really been talking much, and she's been withdrawing from me, I'm not too sure what if anything I've done wrong.
I hate this. I hate caring for and depending on one person so much, cuz they always friggin leave you. Why do I even bother with all this relationship crap? What's the point you always just get hurt in the end. I'm tired of hurting, tired of always getting the short end of the stick. Fuck it, I'm through trying to bend over backwards trying to keep friends. If they wanna talk to me fine, but I'm not gonna force myself on them. That's they're business, they're problem. I'm through being a doormat for people, letting them decide when to be my friend and when to ignore the fact that I exsist.
Fuck it I'm done.
